Reflections

It is hard to believe that I’ve been living in Lisbon for over a year now.

I had intended to keep up with this blog, but I obviously haven’t.  In general, this year has proven – as with most things in life – to be quite different than I had envisioned.

It has been a year of significant grief – a dear friend committed suicide, and an aunt, my godmother, and two cousins all passed away. My marriage ended. In many ways, this time in Lisbon has felt like a retreat.  A time to reflect on the past and, while working and enjoying the present in Lisbon, make some serious decisions about how I would like to live the next chapter, or should I say volume, of my life.

But let me get back to the purpose of this blog…to record my observations during my time here.  I’d like to share some of my experiences and my observations of Portugal, Europe, and cross-cultural identity.

Living in Portugal has made it significantly easier to visit other parts of Europe.  In addition to my Germany and Czech Republic trip that I wrote about previously, I met my friend April and her boyfriend, Ces, in Forte dei Marmi, Italy, where we stayed at Ces’s uncle’s home. I felt so very welcomed and had such a great time. (And I still dream about the meals I had with them!) I spent my birthday  (it was a biggie) in Paris and enjoyed a glass of champagne enjoying the view of Paris from the Eiffel Tower. I love Paris. I had been there 18 years ago with very little money. Paris is significantly more enjoyable with some change in your pocket.

I visited Terceira (one of the Azores Islands) with friends (Rui, Leonor, Ricardo, Sonia, & Rita) and stayed at Leonor’s sister’s home from where we could easily walk down to the water. We laughed and ate a lot. It was wonderful. And importantly, we survived Hurricane Gordon…sunbathing! The storm only affected Madeira after all the media hysteria. Unfortunately, Gordon did prevent me from visiting my parents’ island, São Jorge. I’m trying again at the end of this week.

In Portugal, Porto wins as my favorite Portuguese city and the Alentejo region is just gorgeous and made me very home sick. The Alentejo countryside looks a lot like Northern California’s wine country (before they planted vineyards on every square inch of dirt).

Porto

(Excellent) Porto

Estremoz (near Évora)

I’ve also visited London – I had been in London a few times before living here and had never really seen its charm.  I’ve come to appreciate it. It may be that London feels in many ways more familiar to me culturally than Lisbon does. And that brings me to one of my big revelations.

My identity as a Luso-American.

I didn’t come to Lisbon to research identity, but in some respects it’s what I learned the most about.

I am the only child of immigrant parents. I’ve experienced some of the typical feelings associated with that identity. As a kid there were definitely feelings of being an outsider and I have struggled with many of the typical tensions that occur when growing up in a culture so different than that of one’s family. However, by the time I was in college, I felt relatively comfortable with the fact that I had a unique family life with unique cultural traditions, but living a very American life. Regardless, I still felt a strong “Portuguese-ness” and looked forward to my living in Portugal to experience that fully.

Well, I’ve come to realize that being a Luso-American (a term I had never heard until I arrived in Portugal -- probably because I’m from the West Coast, a place of relatively low Portuguese immigrant concentration) is truly the most reflective of my identity. In so many ways I am very comfortable in Europe and could see myself doing another stint here at some time -- but it isn’t home.  Though I can be very critical of United States politics, policies, and even cultural peculiarities, I know how to navigate that world. There are definitely things I appreciate about the States and that I’ve missed. After living in Portugal for one year, I still don’t feel like I know all the ins and outs of the culture (or the bureaucracy). I’m sure if I stayed long enough, I would, but it has been an enlightening experience to recognize that my upbringing in the States, my American education, and my American friends result in a stronger American identity than I ever imagined. I am American – albeit with a twist (a Luso twist). (Of course, I am aware that there is a contrast effect here. I may feel more Portuguese than I ever have upon my return to the States. )

I have learned a lot about Luso-Americans in the process of writing a grant with colleagues here at ICS. One very interesting statistic is that Luso-Americans who grow up in areas with low concentrations of Portuguese immigrants are more likely to attain a college degree than those who live in areas of high concentration (Rhode Island being the state with the greatest concentration). I grew up in California where there is a large number of Portuguese immigrants, but the numbers are diluted by the enormity of the state. Though there may be pockets of high concentration (e.g., Central Valley) where educational attainment by Luso-Americans may reflect what we see in high concentration states like Rhode Island and Massachusetts, for the most part, Portuguese immigrants there have not been seen as a minority group per se. I think that where they are not identified as a minority group, assimilation and acceptance has resulted in gains, at least in educational attainment by Luso-Americans.  I also think they are also less likely to identify as Portuguese, speak Portuguese, and feel any attachment to the “mother land”. If the grant comes through, I’ll let you know if I’m right. 

I appreciate that my experience here has updated my understanding of Portuguese people and in some ways helped me have a deeper understanding of my parents.  My parents immigrated from the Azores Islands to California before I was born. I grew up speaking Portuguese (albeit poorly) and English. And I always thought of my parents as Portuguese, not recognizing that being Azorean is, at least in some respects, culturally different than being Portuguese from the mainland. However, though some may argue with me, my perception is that the differences are no bigger than the other regional differences between areas of mainland Portugal. For a country that is about half the size of California, it is amazing how many regional differences there are!

There are so many different subtle (and some not so subtle) accents, foods, pastries, perceptions of time, etc. The time issue is a big one here in Lisbon. My parents are extremely punctual people. I generalized that to all of Portugal. Not true. Not true in the slightest. I learned quickly that if I arrived on time for a meeting or social gathering, I would likely be sitting alone for a while. I’ve been told this is regional – in some areas, tardiness is not typical or as acceptable and this provides some support for my suspicion that tardiness is highly related to class. The higher the class the more fashionably late. (Don’t quote me on that one…it’s based on anecdotal evidence.)

My parents left before the military coup on April 25, 1974 that ended nearly 50 years of a dictatorship.  They left a very different country than the one that exists today, 42 years after they left. For example, when they left, women still didn’t enjoy full equality with men (didn’t happen until 1976). Women were not allowed to travel and hold their own passport without permission from their husbands until 1968!! Today, my contemporaries and those younger than me have a very different experience – at least among the educated group that has grown significantly. Men tend to be highly involved with the responsibilities related to childcare and the majority of women work outside the home (if they can hold on to their jobs these days). The influx of immigrants from former colonies (colonies were turned over in 1976) to Portugal has also resulted in a variety of social shifts and issues.

Another big shocker is the level of bureaucracy in this country. At times, it is truly Kafka inspired. The European financial crisis is the result of a complex set of domestic and international circumstances, but at times I can’t help but wonder – couldn’t there be financial savings if the administration of public affairs were just a bit more streamlined?

Of course, I came to Lisbon as a social psychologist to conduct research and was able to conduct a nice follow up study to my dissertation that I am currently packaging and hope to publish soon. Unfortunately, as many of my researcher friends can relate to all too well, I spent a significant amount of my time here writing grants to a funding agency whose budget has been slashed in a time of significant economic uncertainty. The Troika is only reducing the ability for the country as a whole to be productive.  Education and research are taking very serious hits, not to mention social services such as healthcare. I do not understand how anyone can believe that such incredible cuts will lead to increased GDP. That’s not the way this is going to turn around and unfortunately, I fear that things will get significantly worse here before they get better.

Well, my time in Portugal is coming to a close. As I reflect on my time here over the course of the next few weeks, I will continue to write.

Thanks for checking in.